As a single woman I am often asked “how’s the man hunt going?”, “when are you going to get a man?”, “have you tried online dating?”. The list is endless, as I am sure many of you in the same position as myself are aware. Often, I find myself explaining to people that I’m not currently looking for a man because I’m actually okay with being single at the moment, to the shock horror of many. Now this isn’t to say that when the right man comes along I won’t be open to a relationship, it’s simply to encourage you not to feel consumed by society’s obsession with relationships. If you’re a single woman let me implore you to enjoy your singleness whilst it lasts.

Here are three simple ways in which you can hopefully do just that.

Forget what people have to say

Easier said than done, I know! This is one tip that can be used in every area of life, whether you’re single or not. People will ALWAYS have something to say regardless of your situation. When you’re, single people will ask when you’ll get a man. When you’re in a relationship, people will ask when you’re getting married. When you’re married, people will ask when you’re having a baby. It’s endless! And the fact is you can’t please everyone. So focus on doing what’s best for yourself because ultimately you have to live with your decisions. Don’t feel pressured into a relationship that you’re not ready for simply because society is telling you you need to be in one.

Seek self-improvement

Most people won’t be single forever, so I would advise that in your period of singleness you focus on becoming a better version of yourself. I believe that a relationship is about two whole people coming together to make something magic, as opposed to two halves coming together to seek validation from the other person in the relationship. Even though it’s essential to be confident and happy in who you are, there’s always room for improvement. In this period of singleness why not get started or complete things you’ve always wanted to do? Learn a new language, travel on your own, lose those extra pounds, gain those extra pounds, take that course. This a season in your life where you can truly get to know and love yourself. Learn to be comfortable in your own company!

Step out of your comfort zone

This blog post applies to most people whether black or not but one thing I’ve noticed about many black people is that there is a lot of hesitancy when it comes to stepping out of their comfort zone. Take this opportunity to really be selfish and do whatever you want whenever you want! Try something you would never normally try. Whether that be sky diving or simply going to a new city on your own. This point really intertwines with the above point as anything that pushes you out of your comfort zone will aide in self-improvement. I guess what I’m trying to say is take this opportunity to be unashamedly selfish whilst you’re not accountable to anyone.

Single ladies! Regardless of what society has to say or implies, singleness is not a curse. Make the most of it whilst it lasts and don’t be in such a hurry to get through your current situation. It may be exactly what you need to take your life to the next level.

Paula M



One response

  1. Hmmm…..kinda sound very contrary to the Ubuntu philosophy some of us live by. Will travelling by yourself might be fun? , try going to eastern Europe alone as a black girl /boy or sleep in Hilton alone and u will find how alienating and boring it can feel like. Sometimes even FWB are better than nothing.

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