Dear Black Queen

Seeing the words ‘Joe Bloggs added you to a group chat’ on Whatsapp can send cold chills down a person’s spine. You instantly think of ways to inconspicuously leave the group chat without causing a stir and to no avail settle on muting the group, hoping it will eventually go away on its own. With this being said, when you are in a group chat where the conversation is popping and the creative juices are flowing there’s something really magical about it.

Not to toot my own horn but for me one of these groups is the #Issamovement team group chat (shout out to Jane and Lola)! Recently, a shocking radio interview was shared in the group and it reminded me of a similar video I had seen on Instagram not too long ago. Both the interview and the video portrayed black men supporting the denigration of black women. The BLACK man on the radio even went as far as saying he found black women repulsive… repulsive!! I don’t know if that’s fully sunk in for you but I was truly astonished when he said those words. He didn’t say he found one or two black women he’d met repulsive… he said he found ALL black women (excluding his mother, kmt) repulsive. Hearing that radio interview was the final straw for me! Enough is enough. Black women have had to bare the brunt of so much crap from within our own community and I think it’s high time we put an end to it all.

I’m at an age where half of my friends are getting married and the other half are single and living their best lives. I’m currently the latter and I think when you’re single it can become very easy to get a little bit boy obsessed. When you’re boy obsessed everything you do revolves around them. Unfortunately, this means their (often overshared and unwanted) opinions about you whether positive or negative can weigh heavily. If you’re reading this and thinking ‘this is me’. Then I just want to say, the ONLY opinion that matters in your life is yours. Not you parents, not your boyfriends, not your teachers but yours. At the end of the day the decisions you make in life, whether large or small, are mostly going to impact you and you’re the one that has to live with whatever choice you make. So, if you like wearing braids and the guy you like recently said he only likes girls that wears weave… who cares?! Rock those braids girl! Choose to live your life on what you believe you should be not what others want you to be.

Dealing with the unwanted opinions of the opposite sex is only part of the crap black girls have dealt with in recent times. Another point I want to touch on is the bitchiness that sometimes hovers in the air when groups of black girls congregate. Yes, I said it! BITCHINESS! To be honest, I feel this less and less when I am at predominately black gatherings (as mentioned in Black women don’t support each other) but I still think I need to mention it. I honestly feel that at times we are our own worst enemies. It’s as if we’ve all been entered into a mandatory competition where we must compete for everything and therefore, we can’t be friends or even, God forbid, crack a smile when we see each other. I’m not mentioning this behaviour to throw any kind of shade but to highlight the fact that we can actually work together and support each other and still achieve our personal goals. So, let’s support each other more, let’s smile at each other when we’re out and about, let’s not hold on to grudges!

To conclude black queen, as you sit here reading this, I want you to know that you are beautiful the way you are regardless of what society or people within our own community tell you. You have the potential to reach the stars and beyond. You are perfect the way you are!

Paula M

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