So we’re in March and it already feels like February was so long ago. February! A very special month to me, the month that encompasses: Pancake day, my birthday (ME! A pisces, who would have thought, not me) and of course Valentine’s Day. In the spirit of this erratic day where red mist descends over the universe, I wanted to talk about two of my favourite topics; blackness and love. More specifically black love.
My own personal experience of black love has been nothing short of extraordinary, I have felt warmth, love and security I did not know was possible. However looking externally, the connotations associated with black love paint it to be this beast. The portrayal of black love often takes the shape of the painful kind of love, that darkly passionate and so unexplainable love. The segregational type of love, sometimes unaffectionate kind of love, the “you know I love you so I don’t need to show it kind of love”. The “I gave so much up for you, so ignore the hurtful things I say to you” kind of love. This can be evident in relationships with family, friends or romantic partners.
Contrary to what it sounds like, there is nothing wrong with this barbed wire kind of love if its used as a channel for positive outlets and the toxic behaviour patterns attached to it are unlearnt.
Black love has allowed many people we know today to birth so many inspiring creative pieces; beautiful love songs, incredible artwork and even this piece you are reading is derived from my own understanding of this self sacrificial love!
Throughout history black love has always taken up a cyclical structure in that what we see happen in the beginning is the same thing we face in the end.
For context let me try and paint a picture of a scenario people may relate to;
“ Two parent household with a mum and dad, however dad is never around either physically and/or emotionally. Children grow up watching this, which leads to a son prematurely trying to step into the role of a father and a daughter becoming self sufficient.
This then transpires into their own relationships and there is an underlying fear to commit, which ultimately results in a situationship or an unhealthy relationship.
These individuals often may under commit or overcommit depending on the person they find. When this person does not love them the way they picture ideal love to be it becomes volatile. They forget that the other person might be from the same sort of home as themselves and that they might have needed them to be an ideal love too.
This being said I see our generation is breaking this curse on the negative side of black love. More and more, I see exemplary versions of black love around me and in the media and this reflects how our community is moving and growing.
We have seen wholesome black love in the white house, sports stars flaunting their childhood sweethearts and strong family units.
- Barack and Michelle Obama
- Lebron and Savannah James
- D Wade and Gabriel union
The only way is upwards and I hope we all continue to create our own beautiful black love fairytale.